Brittney is a troubled woman in her early twenties who is an addict actively in recovery. She finds her courage, solace and acceptance in a knitting class at the local church. She never shares with any of the people in the class what she has been through but rather just sits, listens and learns how to fight her way back to a balance after the loss of her daughter. Her daughter Jasmine didn’t die but rather Brittney decided to give her away after she is born addicted to the drugs that Brittney had put in her body. How could she stop the cycle? For her walking away from her daughter Jasmine was the most difficult thing she has ever had to do but like any good mother she put her child first. Through the scene she reveals her constant search for love in all the wrong places hoping to find it in a child that she doesn’t know how to love until she is gone. There is something about the inner weaving of the knitting that gives her clarity. Sitting in a room full of people who have lived so much life and as they tell her how lucky she is to be young and have the chance to not make the bad decisions they made she is internally wanting to tell them that they are constantly saving her life with their acceptance, love and wisdom. Life at times can take us on an unexpected ride but it is the recovery, living through the grief and moving forward that may be the biggest testament to life and all of our life choices. This is a story is heartbreaking for the child and for Brittney who as a child just wanted what we all yearn for, love.
(Brittney holds up a few different baby clothes that are on hangers. She looks at them, this brings back memories. She then removes them from the hanger, folds them and puts them in a box. She sees something that brings an overwhelming emotion, she picks it up, it is a blanket. She folds it into a “baby” then rocks it and smells it as if it is bringing a child back to life. As she rocks she speaks to the “baby” then to the audience.)
That’s right, mommy’s baby. Perfect in every way. Baby is supposed to have ten fingers and you do, baby is supposed to have ten toes and you do, baby is absolutely perfect. That is your only job, as mommy’s baby your only job is just to be perfect. I’ll take care of the rest I promise. It is mommy’s job to feed you, and love you, and above all else to keep you safe. (Beat, she shifts.)Safe. (She looks down realizing she is holding a blanket and not a baby then looks to the audience.)I was never really good at keeping jobs. Even when I knew what I was supposed to be doing, I always had a special gift. I had a special way of knowing how exactly to fail.
(Offering the blanket to the audience. She holds it out then looks back at it and laughs.) This was the blanket that I was supposed to bring her home in. I guess you could say it was a mother thing, I wanted to do something special for her so that she would know how important she was to me. So, I decided to join a knitting class. (Laughs)And I know exactly what you’re thinking I thought the same thing why the hell would I waste my time going to a knitting class when I can just get online and figure it out from some kind of video, right? But that’s really not what I wanted. I wanted to sit in the presence of other people and I wanted them to know why I was doing what I was doing, and I guess... yeah, I guess I wanted some form of acceptance. Just a little before she came. So, imagine it there I am at twenty-two years old sitting at the local church in the basement taking a knitting class with a group of women that are all easily fifty or sixty years older than me.