(Scene opens. We see Anthony standing in front of a mirror getting dressed for work. He is humming a favorite song of his. He gets stuck on the tying of the tie.)
Ties are the stupidest invention known to man. My father however felt like tying a tie was a mans first step into puberty. (Laughs) He had come to the conclusion that teaching me how to tie equaled manhood. That was one of his favorite, most repetitive lines to me. “Anthony, if you work with your hands, fix a car, shoot a gun, have sex with a girl, you’ll be a man.” That’s the challenge my friends. Balance. Roll with me on this one, everyone has parents, I mean that’s kind of how Mrs. Mother Nature had it envisioned, parents were created to procreate (Whispers) have sex, and have children. My parents were no different, they made Mrs. Nature proud. But when mom is depressed and dad is “A mans man” when this bundle of joy came into their life, they didn’t know what to do, so for the most part they did nothing.
(Laughs) Speaking of my childhood, when I was seven years old and I had to be in my crazy cousins white trash wedding. I don’t say “white trash” in a bad way, it is trashy by any culture’s terms (Looks at himself) so let’s say Asian trash. (Laughs) She got married at Larry’s Burger Dog where her and her boyfriend first encountered each other in the drive thru (Sighs) true love over a chilidog and cheese fries. So when she came to my parents’ house with this tux, that was baby blue and a mix and match set because that those were the pieces left on the sale rack (Laughs) yeah me. My mom and dad thought it was the cutest thing ever: pants too short, sleeves too long, sandals because it was summer and the tie. Oh this tie. It was baby blue with a hot dog on the end of it. “Anthony you are just the cutest little blue dog in town.” Thanks mom, blue dog, I can only aspire. But the tie was (Laughs) like from the toddler section.
