Sara: (To audience) I have the absolute worst mother of any mother that any kid in the seventh grade ever had. Ever! My mother-
Mom: Hi guys.
Sara: See what I mean? That smile that says behind it there is another universe of …stuff that universes have behind them. Yeah. Anyway she is the worst mother ever because she-
Dad: Sara! Sara are you talking to your stuffed animals again? Honey you know what the doctor said about expressing your feeling to inanimate objects.
Sara: Yes dad. They won’t talk back. I know!
Dad: Right.
Mom: Right.
Baby Kelly: Right.
Sara: Shut up Kelly. Your time will come little sister when they band together against you like they did me. (To audience) It’s cool that I talk to my baby sister like that. She’s a baby and babies are stupid.
Baby Kelly: Stupid.
Sara: See. She just repeats everything I say.
Baby Kelly: “I have the absolute worst mother of any mother that any kid in the seventh grade ever had.”
Sara: Holy crap! (She puts a sucker in Baby Kelly’s mouth to quiet her.) Problem solved, like I was saying my mom is the worst because she canceled my HUGE birthday party because she said that I was –
Mom: Sara Jane Karen Lacy Parker! (Silence) Sara Jane (Silence) Sara!
Sara: What mom? Please don’t say my full name again we never know who is listening.
Mom: Didn’t you tell me that you had done your homework and that you room was clean? So clean in fact that I could, “Eat off of the floor.”
Sara: Something like that.
Mom: LIAR!
Sara: I said something like that-
Mom LIES!
Sara: Why are you yelling?
Mom: UNTRUTH! When you lie I have to speak louder for dramatic affect. Is it working?
Sara: No, it’s more dramatic when you’re just silent. (Silence) See that was so nice. Mom, it was actually more like, “Mom you can go in my room and check it if you want to but there might be, “meat on the floor.” Not eat off the floor. (Sara laughs, Mom does not.) Meat, Eat off the floor (Laughing) you’re so silly mom.