Figuring out how to actively address trauma maybe one of the most difficult challenges in regard to mental health. For Clayton a man in his 60s it was writing his own memoir. For the longest time he couldn't put the pieces together to figure out how to move forward from his life's greatest traumatic experience, a school shooting his senior year of high school. What he did find many years later was comfort in sharing his thoughts and ideas and his experience in the most honest way possible, by telling his truth. He never thought his life would ever amount to anything special enough for him to write a book but what he found as he reflected on his experience was that sometimes what we need as people and what other people may be able to utilize is hearing about our experiences. It was a perfect day, like any other day and him and his friends went off campus for lunch, living their best life. Upon their return ended up in the bathroom when he heard gunshots and the building was locked down, he had nowhere to go, the only thing he could do was hide in a closet. But when the shooter found him and opened the door and he saw standing in front of him one of his friends, he did the only thing his body allowed him to do, he tried to remind his friend of the great times that they shared, how important their lives were to their families, and that this moment truly wasn't who he was. We all deal with grief and trauma in different ways and this story is one man's example of how he was able to move forward.
The Book That Delivered Me
(Scene opens with Clayton, a man in his late sixties fumbles his way through opening a box and pulling out a book. He holds it, smells it and it smells so good. He cracks open the spine of the book examining it like it is a portrait he has just painted. He takes a pen, clicks it and writes something on the inside cover, holds it up and smiles. He then turns the book to the audience and shows them what he’s written.)
Daddy always told me my signature was going to be worth something one day. He also followed that up with, he didn't know what the hell it was going to be but he hoped it wasn't going to be for something illegal. (laughs) Nope, nothing illegal. (holds up the book) This is the first copy of my memoir. I don't think any of us live life day-to-day thinking enough interesting things will happen for us to memorialize it in a book, I know I didn't. I felt I had a pretty normal life all the way up until… the incident. Senior year was perfect. Only had three real classes then a few that were just fun because I could take Home Economics and the Business Management class let us create our own business, which I thought was cool. But my favorite class was psychology class with Miss Palmer, the youngest teacher in the building but she loved teaching us and we all loved going to that class. I was fascinated by idea of dehumanization and moral disengagement- two psychological processes where people can do fully violent and harmful things without seeing the victims as humans with stories and backgrounds. (beat, looks at the audience because they think this is weird) I know, I know it sounds really bad but it… (turns to a chapter) Knowing what I knew would save my life. The moment in my senior year of high school when I should have been going on dates, seeing movies with friends, planning out college and the rest of my life, but when the incident happened it felt like I was… frozen. Like we were all frozen in time and for some reason we couldn't move forward. You see, that's what trauma is really about it's about wanting to move but not being able to. It's about feeling like if you do move, if you take a breath, if you make one wrong shift that the bad situation could turn into the end of your life.
