Lance: Hey everyone. I’m Lance and I’m not exactly what you would call a “Ladies Man, Chick magnet, (Beat) attractive” but I’m a nice guy. (Shift) Yeah, that’s a good way to start my online dating bio: confident, kind, positive, assertive and honest. Yeah, I’m half way there. (Beat) Oh God my first message. (Reading) It’s from Melissa.
Melissa: Hey Lance, you seem like a super sweet guy.
Lance: She thinks I’m sweet. She thinks I’m super sweet. I mean I am sweet!
Melissa: Would you like to meet for dinner?
Lance: Dinner? She could be my wife.
Melissa: Let me know.
Lance: What do I do? If I say no she’ll be hurt but if I say yes then I have to go. I’m scared to meet women.
Melissa: Let me know… now.
Lance: (Beat) Yes.
Melissa: Super! I’ll see you later.
Chris: You said you would meet her?
Lance: Yes.
Carl: You don’t even know this girl.
Chris: She could be a wacko.
Lance: Yes.
Carl: What if she’s really a man?
Chris: A dog.
Lance: I hate both of you. I called you guys over because you date more than I do and I wanted help.
Chris: We date women we know. Women we’ve meant in normal ways.
Carl: Chris, you date the teachers of your children.
Chris: We meant at open house, that’s not normal?
Carl: When you can’t go up to the school of your elementary child because the first, second and third grade teachers are friends and they all know about you, all dated you and all hate you. Yeah, it’s a little bit far from normal.
Chris: What if she’s crazy?
Lance: Her friends could be saying the same thing about me.
Carl: True.
Chris: I could see that.
