Steve is desperate for a lot of things. He is desperate to get out of his mother’s house and all of the things that come with it: rubbing feet, applying ointment and being yelled at daily. Leaving home is easier said than done. As Steve goes from job to job getting fired time after time and hearing those same words, “Maybe this isn’t the job for you” he starts to get discouraged. Until he walks into the HelllllllP Daycare. A place where the people are strange and the children are stranger. But when he starts working with the 2-4 year olds he is faced with a list of challenges: a lazy coworker, his mother that won’t go away, children that are…different and an incident that turns Steve from worker to detective. The characters are fun and the story is hilarious. Steve ends the day with a job that he loves and realizes that being a teacher of sorts isn’t half bad. 

Hell Daycare

  • Mom: Steve. Honey where are you? Steve: (To audience) Hi, my name is Steve. Mom: Steve can you come rub my feet? Steve: (To audience) And that’s my mom. Mom: Steve can you put some of that white ointment on my- Steve: Mom! I’m talking to my friends. Jesus! Mom: Steve! You don’t have any friends. And I can’t reach all the places the ointment has to go. Remember when I tried to put the ointment on my- Steve: Mom! Mom: Steve! Steve: Mom! Mom: Steve! Steve: (To audience) So yeah, I’m loosing my mind here boys and girls. I love my mom like everyone else but this is how I wake up every morning. Her yelling at me, making me rub her feet, (holds back throwing up) and sometimes she forgets to get dressed before she goes out and gets the mail, and the ointment…(crying) the damn ointment. The ointment! Mom: Why are you crying son? Steve: (To audience) I need to find a job. Please. Help. Steve: (To audience) So it’s not that I haven’t tried to find a job, I have…lots of them. Fast food employee: On order: three cheeseburger flipped, fried, covered, slammed, shimmied, bologna, cheese ‘em with four fries extra crunchy, crispy and covered in blood. Steve: (Cooking frantically) What the hell did you just say? Blood? Fast food employee: Blood is ketchup you idiot. Manager: Steve- O this is what training is for. Get it together. Steve: I can’t follow she’s talking too fast. Manager: Repeat it back to me. Steve: What? Manager: The order. Fast food employee: You heard him. Go head. You be me. Steve: (In his best imitation of her) On order: Burger with a whole bunch of crap and burnt fries. Fast food employee: Oh you got jokes. Manager: Maybe this isn’t the job for you.




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