Mom: Steve. Honey where are you?
Steve: (To audience) Hi, my name is Steve.
Mom: Steve can you come rub my feet?
Steve: (To audience) And that’s my mom.
Mom: Steve can you put some of that white ointment on my-
Steve: Mom! I’m talking to my friends. Jesus!
Mom: Steve! You don’t have any friends. And I can’t reach all the places the ointment has to go. Remember when I tried to put the ointment on my-
Steve: (To audience) So yeah, I’m loosing my mind here boys and girls. I love my mom like everyone else but this is how I wake up every morning. Her yelling at me, making me rub her feet, (holds back throwing up) and sometimes she forgets to get dressed before she goes out and gets the mail, and the ointment…(crying) the damn ointment. The ointment!
Mom: Why are you crying son?
Steve: (To audience) I need to find a job. Please. Help.
Steve: (To audience) So it’s not that I haven’t tried to find a job, I have…lots of them.
Fast food employee: On order: three cheeseburger flipped, fried, covered, slammed, shimmied, bologna, cheese ‘em with four fries extra crunchy, crispy and covered in blood.
Steve: (Cooking frantically) What the hell did you just say? Blood?
Fast food employee: Blood is ketchup you idiot.
Manager: Steve- O this is what training is for. Get it together.
Steve: I can’t follow she’s talking too fast.
Manager: Repeat it back to me.
Manager: The order.
Fast food employee: You heard him. Go head. You be me.
Steve: (In his best imitation of her) On order: Burger with a whole bunch of crap and burnt fries.
Fast food employee: Oh you got jokes.
Manager: Maybe this isn’t the job for you.