Beth: Dear Diary, why do you hate me so? It has been seven days since Alan and I broke up and I am a mess. I miss his voice-
Alan: Beth…Beth…
Beth: I miss his smell.
Alan: Smell me Beth.
Beth: I miss his breath. (Alan blows his breath in her face and she is mesmerized.) Yep just like that. My mom says-
Mom: Girl shut up and stop with that dumb man that treated you like a big ole pile of-
Beth: Got it Mom.
Mom: Smelly, fly infested-
Beth: Mom! I got it.
Mom: Say it. Pile of what?
Beth: (Whispers) Shit.
Mom: That’s right.
Beth: (Back to her diary) So in a nutshell my life sucks because I am now getting advise from my mother. Kill me, yours truly, Beth.
(Scene opens with the Mom reading Beth’s diary. She is laughing and crying.)
Mom: (Reading) Diary, why do you hate me so? It has been seven days since Alan and I broke up and I am a mess. (Laughs, flips back a few pages, reading) Dear diary, Alan is the most amazing man I have ever met. I think I hear wedding bells. (Laughs, aside) Yep, bells of someone else’s wedding. Oh my poor baby and that stupid man.
(Beth enters and catches her mom reading her diary)
Beth: Mom!
Mom: Beth. (Continues to read)
Beth: Mom, that’s my diary you’re reading.
Mom: I know. Jane told me where you kept it.
Beth: She did what?
(Jane enters)
Jane: Sorry girl. You were being all weird.
Mom: Depressed.
Jane: Strange.
Mom: Antisocial.
Jane: Kinda creepy.
Mom: Nearly suicidal.