(Beat) I remember the day. No...I don't remember the day but when it all happened, but I do remember the day I sat in the courtroom and listened to all of the testimony and saw all of the pictures. I felt like (Closes eyes) I could see it all so clearly. People’s exhibit one, the bloody t-shirt I was wearing. Exhibit two – there were twenty- seven pictures of the house that I had trashed: three televisions, microwave, stove, four stereos and a child’s game console. Those are the things that I took apart in the house of perfect strangers. They were on vacation. I broke in. I tweaked for weeks. (Beat) I wanted to kick my habit. (Beat) For a while I had. But it is true, everything that they say is true, addiction is day to day every single day for the rest of your life. Because you are constantly thinking about getting high, avoiding places, avoiding people, there is not an hour that goes by that I don’t think about it. Addiction forces you to be obsessive.
My parents paid to send me to a rehab facility in a secluded part of North Dakota. “The Long Live House: Cleanse Your Body and Spirit” that was their catch line. It had the most beautiful overlook that opened to a forest and a waterfall. My parents may not have seen my addiction but they saw every opportunity to hide it from the world. (Beat) I remember I would get up every morning, get a cup of coffee, and I would sit outside and look at the forest. All of the nature and all of the things that God had created and I thought that maybe... possibly… I could contribute to the world like he did. (Laughs) I don't want to be like God or anything but when rehab is working you feel like you might actually be able to contribute to the peace of the world you’re part of.
