Everyone knows that high school and the teenagers that come with it can be cruel to say the lease. For Ashton his high school years were wrapped up in being on the receiving end of some pretty terrible experiences. A formerly overweight Ashton who was tormented in his youth grows up to be very attractive, like really really attractive so much so that he is nearly unrecognizable. So, what does the not hot teenager do when he grows up to be super stupid hot? REVENGE TIME!!! He plans to use this anonymity at his high school reunion to seek revenge on the students who wronged him. With all of the high school players: the best friend, the jock, the cheerleader, the teachers that never retire and Ashton’s will to stick it to the people who hurt him, revenge is bound to be sweet. Hopefully his best friend from back then can help him realize that taking the high road is sometimes a difficult road to drive down but often the better road to travel. We shall see if Ashton gets his revenge.

Revenge Body and Soul

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(KAREN (28), goes with the flow far longer than she should, is sitting at a café in Portland, OR drinking coffee, when ASHTON (28), perfect body minus the chip on his shoulder, approaches. Karen squints, unable to recognize him immediately.)

KAREN: Ashton. Oh my gosh. Is that you?

ASHTON: All 2.5% body fat of me! But I’m working toward 0.

KAREN: As a nurse, I have to say: don’t, you’d die without body fat. But as your friend, I have to say: go for it!

ASHTON: Will do!

KAREN: Seriously, though: you look great.

ASHTON: Thanks. You’re right.

KAREN: I mean, you look…honestly, you look like someone else.

ASHTON: Karen! Stop it!Don’t.

KAREN: I mean it. I sat down with three different shamans I thought were you. You picked a really weird coffee shop to hang out in.

ASHTON: Three shamans is actually below the Portland average.

KAREN: So, I have to say, I was a little surprised you called me. I figured we’d just meet up at the Richard Nixon High reunion tomorrow. (Like a cheerleader.) Go, Indian Savages! (Somberly.) That name has not aged well.

ASHTON: Well, look, you were my closest friend in high school. Really my only friend. Huh. That was an improper use of a superlative. Mr. Milchbirch would’ve given me detention for that.

KAREN: And a spanking!

ASHTON: A spanking?

KAREN: Yeah. He used to do that. (Thoughtfully.)The past is always worse, isn’t it?

ASHTON: That’s sort of why I wanted to meet you. My memories of Richard Nixon High are…not so great. (Flashes back to a high-school aged version of himself, in a crowded hallway of students, all pointing and laughing at him as he trips and falls. Flashes forward again.) Pretty bad, actually. (Flashes back to a high-school aged version of himself, in a crowded hallway of students, all pointing and laughing at him as he gets his pants pulled down. Flashes forward again.) Therapy bi-daily. (Flashes back to a high-school aged version of himself, in a crowded hallway of students, all pointing and laughing at him as he covers his private parts and rear end, sobbing. Flashes forward again.) But thanks to my newfound…skinonymity…

KAREN: Combining skinny and anonymity to make up a fake word! Mr. Milchbirch would have given you a double spanking for that!

ASHTON: I can get revenge on everyone who was mean to me in high school – and they won’t even know it’s me! So. You want in?

KAREN: I don’t know, Ashton. I was kind of just going to reunion so I could drink till I got sick, and make fun of people I don’t like. You know…have fun!

ASHTON: But this willbe fun. Seeking vengeance on those who wronged you? Nothing could be more fun! Or more American!

Revenge Body and Soul

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