When two narrators get together after they walking out of a horror movie that one was truly disappointed in because it didn’t make, “In real life it would never happen like that!” They decide to say all of the things and do all of the things true horror movie lovers have said and done- and they promise to get it right. The scene goes into a series of vignettes addressing the different ways that they would survive every kind of horror movie. From the Cheerleader in the Woods, The Horror Movie Game Show to what would William Shakespeare do, these two narrators take us on a ride of action and comedy that should leave the audience laughing and thinking if they found themselves in the same situation what would they do? Would you run towards the only house in the empty field with the creepy family on the porch? How would you kill the giant spider or the werewolf? In this think on your feet comedy tour of horror be prepared for the unthinkable…as you should in any good horror movie. (The narrators may be any gender.)
Teenager Guide to Surviving a Horror Movie: Run, Run, Run!
(Scene opens with two people walking into a movie theatre. They get their popcorn and squeeze into their aisle. The movie begins…popcorn flies, they jump on each other, for a few moments until one decides to leave, the other reluctantly follows.)
Narrator 1: (Running after N2)Hey. Yo. Wait, why are you walking so fast? (They stop)
Narrator 2: Because the movie was stupid.
Narrator 1: (Laughs)It’s a horror movie, you were expecting Shakespeare? (Acting)“To be or not to be-“
Narrator 2: No actually that’s not the question, never has been. It’s actually not a thing.
Narrator 1: (Side eye)Well “To thine own self be true.”
Narrator 2: I was expecting, I don’t know, great actors making realistic decisions that would-
Narrator 1: (Mocking)“…great actors making realistic decisions that would help them to become better people in the midst of the zombie apocalypse. Blah blah blah and boo hoo hoo.”
Narrator 2: (Pause they stare at each other N2 is not amused)I wanted the hero to have a through line-
Narrator 1: - a deeper meaning to the story-
Narrator 2: Right!
Narrator 1: A lead character that is multifaceted.
Narrator 2: Yes!
Narrator 1: Who make dynamic choices for the sake of saving lives-
Narrator 2: - and the betterment of the world-
Narrator 1: - and the enrichment of the horror movie brand-
Narrator 2/ Narrator 1: And all humankind!(They hold a pair pose then Narrator 1 breaks and looks at Narrator 2)
Narrator 1: Hey, you do realize it was a zombie movie, right?
Narrator 2: I do.
Narrator 1: And…ummm…zombies aren’t real.
Narrator 2: I also understand that…
Narrator 1: (Sarcasm) Then how exactly is this conversation even possible?
Narrator 2: It should be possible.
Narrator 1: Like “it should” as in dead people should be able to come back to life or…
Narrator 2: Yes. Let’s make it possible. I think there are a ton of ways to survive a horror movie.
Narrator 1: A ton?
Narrator 2: A ton.
Narrator 1: (They look at each other for a moment, they laugh, they high five each other and then speak to the audience.)Okay ladies and gentlemen.
Narrator 2: Boys and girls-
Narrator 1: - no boys and girls.
Narrator 2: (Scans the audience)Look dude, all kinds of boys and girls.
Narrator 1: But this is a horror movie scenario situation. (They have an aside conversation)
Narrator 2: These are kids.