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Dascha, a life coach, and Sid, a rock musician, stand on the altar, about to get married...when the Priest perfunctorily asks if anyone objects to this union. This ordinarily rhetorical question triggers a spate of objections from both the groom's and bride's sides. Sid's best friend Jeffrey, a pet shop owner, recalls the time that Dascha and Sid argued their way into adopting a nothing from his store. Dascha's sister Viv recounts the time that she, as a chef, tried to offer Dascha and Sid a private cooking class...only to wind up with a missing finger by the end. The more stories that comes out, the more the soon-to-be happily wedded couple appears to be short on both similarities, and happy memories. In fact, the only reason Dascha and Sid met in the first place was because flirting singles Jeffrey and Viv needed to get the two off their backs, so they could keep talking without interruptions. Uh-oh...could it be that the wrong couple is tying the knot today!?

Wedding Objection

  • (In the back room of a church, DASCHA (28), a healer in need of healing, finishes putting on her wedding veil with the help of VIV (26), soft-featured soft-pedaler.)
    DASCHA: Ah. And I’ve finished my mantras. Almost done, Viv?
    VIV: Yep, I think that does it. Can you see anything through that veil, though?DASCHA: No. I’m blinded by love!
    VIV: Well, sure, but love doesn’t have to trip you all the way down the aisle.
    DASCHA: Honestly, I wish I’d had this veil on sooner. So I didn’t see Sid on the way in.
    VIV: Dascha, you’ll both be fine. That’s just a silly superstition, not looking each other in the eye on your wedding day.
    DASCHA: It’s not so much the superstition, as his eyes being bloodshot. Like…really bloodshot. I think he partied all night, instead of getting a good night’s sleep, like I told him—
    VIV: I’m sure he wouldn’t have done that—
    DASCHA: And now he’s going to forget his vows, like he did in rehearsal, because he can only memorize lyrics, not spoken words, even though I told him he could sing his vows, as long as they weren’t in a minor key—
    VIV: Dascha. You’re my sister. I love you. He’s your fiancé. He loves you.
    DASCHA: Double fact.
    VIV: And I know he wouldn’t have spent all night partying, when he knows how important this day is to everyone.
    DASCHA: Are you sure?
    VIV: Positive.


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